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What are your thoughts on what is covered under baby bonding for FMLA for the non-birth parent? I, an HR employee, was approached by my boss, Pam, the HR director, after a casual office discussion about having more children, and was told that when I take time off for baby bonding for my next baby, I need to limit my posts on social media showing us out and about going on adventures, including a beach vacation with our baby. (But they’re my wife’s posts that I have no control over.) 

Any time I was out of the house, I had the baby, and I was using my earned sick/vacation time to be paid in full while taking my 12 weeks to bond with my baby and my wife, which just happened to be during the summertime. I understand that I can bond with my baby wherever and whenever I choose, including at the beach if I so desire, because there are no physical limitations on baby bonding. I know I was singled out because I’m an HR employee and was told, “It looks bad,” but do you think I should tell my boss (nicely and professionally) to shove it and that I’ll bond with my next baby any way I see fit? Other thoughts?

I am not generally a fan of telling people to shove it, but this is a case where it’s appropriate. The law is clearly on your side.

Both California law (the California Family Rights Act or CFRA) and federal law (the Family Medical Leave Act or FMLA) allow both parents to take up to 12 weeks off for baby bonding — provided you’ve been there at least a year and have worked 1,250 hours.

Federal law requires the employer to have a minimum of 50 employees in a 75-mile radius (or working remotely), while California requires only five employees. With a company big enough to have at least two HR people, there’s no way your company doesn’t meet the qualifications under both.

CFRA even allows you to take your leave in two-week blocks, so you could take two weeks when the baby is born and take more later — like when your wife returns to work. (FMLA allows you to take baby bonding leave intermittently with employer approval, but it’s your choice under CFRA.)

Nothing in either law says you must sit home and hold the baby 24/7 to qualify. Nothing even requires you to be with the baby all the time. You’re allowed to do pretty much what you want, like any parent does. You can go to the grocery store without the baby or hire a babysitter and go to the movies.

There are limits — if you leave the baby with grandma while you go backpacking through Europe, that would not qualify for CFRA or FMLA. But, if the two of you wanted to take the baby with you on your trip, you certainly could.

Pam thinks it looks bad for you to post on social media, letting other employees know that you are not suffering with a colicky baby all the time. Pam is wrong. 

Now, I recommend that your wife block Pam and other employees at your company on social media, because you are an HR professional. The last thing you want is employees following your wife and trying to peek into your day-to-day life. It’s just better to separate out your work and your home life. That said, your wife is an adult, and if she doesn’t want to do that, you certainly shouldn’t pressure her. 

It’s time for a good talk with Pam. She doesn’t want people to think HR managers get special privileges, so she should explain to all the employees that they, too, can take protected leave when they become new parents.

Explain that your baby-bonding leave is a good thing. It demonstrates that the company not only follows the law, but that leadership and the HR team takes advantage of it as well. If your boss or HR manager can take baby bonding leave, you’ll feel more comfortable taking leave.

While it is true that it can be difficult for smaller companies and departments to function while people are out on leave, the law doesn’t have a reasonableness clause. If Pam doesn’t like the law, she’s free to vote for politicians who will change it. But as an HR director, she must help the company comply with the law.

Tell Pam that if any employee complains that you are out doing something fun when you are supposed to be home with the baby, you are doing nothing wrong. Babies need their parents, and the law protects them. And congratulations on the new little one. May I suggest Suzanne as a name if you don’t have one yet? It’s served me well.  

Have a dilemma for the Evil HR Lady? Send questions to evilhrlady@gmail.com.

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