This story is part of our November 2025 issue. To read the print version, click here.

I started a new role a few months ago, and several of the senior leaders I work with are neurodiverse. My direct manager, who is in an executive role, told us she has ADHD, and I’ve never worked closely with someone who communicates in this way before.

I’m really struggling to keep up with her communication style. She sends frequent, rapid-fire messages across multiple platforms, and the pace feels overwhelming. There’s a strong emphasis on speed over precision, which often leads to constant shifting priorities and side conversations. I’ll spend time on a task, only for it to be dropped or changed shortly after. It’s exhausting and disorienting.

I understand that priorities shift in fast-paced environments, but I’m starting to feel like I’m seen as a blocker. My manager often jumps in and does the thinking for me, which leaves me frustrated and unsure of my role. I catch myself replying with things like “That’s already done,” in a bit of a panic, just to stay ahead.

Honestly, I feel anxious every time I get a message from her. She’s kind and well-intentioned, but I’m not adjusting well to her work style, and I’m beginning to lose confidence. I’m impatient and have even lashed out in frustration, which I know isn’t okay.

I’d like to approach this by beginning with an apology to people I’ve worked with in the past. As a people leader who has ADHD, I saw some of myself in this post. I have ideas, and lots of them. They don’t (admittedly) all get carried out, because a new, better, shinier idea comes along. I know it can be annoying. I bet your boss does too.

Neurodiverse is a weird word. The diverse part of it should indicate that people who are neurodiverse have a zillion different ways of thinking. Instead, we tend to lump people into two categories: neurotypical and neurodiverse. But what we really have is a world full of 8 billion people, all of whom think a little bit differently than we do.

So my advice is to stop thinking of people as neurodiverse (and I know this position will anger some people) and start thinking of them as individuals. While your boss’s behavior is driving you nuts, it doesn’t mean it’s an insurmountable problem. Here’s what I recommend.

Speak up!

Have a sit-down with your boss and explain to her what you’ve explained to me. Most likely, she already knows her behavior can be annoying to other people. She will probably be able to work with you to come up with an agreement. What I might suggest as ways to cope are:

Check your messages from her at a set interval. So it might be that you’ll check every hour, or once a day, or somewhere in between. It depends on what your job is. That way, the rapid-fire nature won’t matter as much.

Speak confidently when you say, “That’s already done!” She may be totally cool with that and say, “Oh great, then let’s go with that.”

Ask to push back. Smart managers will hire people who are not like them. She is a speed person, and you are a precision person. She may have hired you precisely because she needs a precise person, and she wants you to push back.

Now, there’s a possibility that she will reject all these options and insist that you do it her way, no matter what. She may say you need to respond to every one of her messages within two minutes, and it doesn’t matter that you finished that project because you should have read her mind and known that there would be changes. But that’s not due to ADHD or any form of neurodiversity. That would be because she’s a jerk — err — a less-effective manager.

But most likely, she will be happy to work with you, and she probably appreciates your strengths. So talk to her.

About working with other neurodiverse people

The problems come when we categorize people. Indeed, it can be helpful in understanding others if we have a basic understanding of how their brains function. But labels don’t tell you a lot.

I suggested an improv comedy workshop as a teambuilding exercise, and one woman became furious, accusing me of discriminating against neurodiverse employees. She assumed that all neurodiverse employees wouldn’t like the workshop. In reality, I’ve taught hundreds of people these team-building skills, and some people love them, while others find them annoying; however, their spot on the neurodiversity spectrum isn’t the predictor.

She fell into a fallacy that many people do — because you know one non-neurotypical person, you assume everyone else who is non-neurotypical acts the same way.

Don’t make that mistake. Treat people as individuals. Ask questions. Tell people how you like to work and ask them how they prefer to work, and find common ground. Things go much better when you just approach people as individuals.

So, talk with your boss and work out a plan. It might go better than you expect.

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